Dear Alex


Dear Alex,

A couple of months ago your father asked me how I viewed you. I replied, "I still look at him as our friend, he's just hanging out with us until he can take care of himself." Clearly I was trying to be funny, but there was more truth than comedy to my answer. Motherhood did not happen to me overnight, it had to mentally grow on me.

Over the past few months I've been surprised by the tenderness that has come over you. The sleepless nights, colic and crying has been replaced by sweet giggles, loving hugs and drooly kisses. My heart swells just thinking about it. What I find most riveting is the way that you look at me. The way that you cry inconsolably until you reach the comfort and safety of my arms. The way that your face lights up and legs kick with excitement when I walk into a room. It's more than a friendship. Somewhere along the way we fell madly in love with each other and that love has only deepened and from what I understand this bond is irreversible.




From time to time my mind revisits the days when we were in the hospital together, you know back when you were just my friend. The days when I would cradle you in my arms for hours on end as you slept contently. I studied your newborn features, your luminescent porcelain skin, downy strands of black hair, full cheeks and tender rosy lips. I recall trying very hard to permanently etch your face in my brain. Those memories replay for me like a sweet ending to a movie, like one where incredible triumph has been succeeded after a long hard fought journey, only this was just the beginning for us.


Lately I find myself thinking about those days more often and I get frustrated that I can't remember the details as well and I worry that in a few months that I won't remember the sweet memories that I am recording right now. I barely recall echoes of the way you cried and the squeaky rubber duck noises you made. And I wouldn't believe how tiny you once were if it were not for your hospital shirt that I secretly clutch in my nightstand. So I work hard to keep those details close to my heart even as they become progressively elusive like old photographs faded by the sun's exposure.

I'm not sure when it clicked for me that you are my son. But somewhere along the way our relationship transcended the definitional terms of mother and child and it became cemented in mind that no matter what happens in life we will be bonded forever.

Love,

MOM

38 comments:

Jamie said...

This is a touching, beautiful post and as the mother of two sons I so understand how you feel. It is still astonishing to me that my sons are, well, my sons. And I still look at them in awe and amazement. Alex is adorable, beautiful and as the years go by, never take for granted one moment - although it is so easy to as the time flies by so fast. I love reading about your mother-son adventure.

Jackie Gordon Singing Chef said...

Gorgeous Post! I love imagining what his reaction will be when he reads it.

Chuzai Living said...

Sweet and precious post. Even now my older daughter has turned 7, I sometimes feel like I can't believe that I'm a mom. It sounds like you are embracing your new environment so positively!! Your son is a lucky one to have you as a mom!!

Simply Life said...

oh this is so sweet and the two of you are just beautiful together!

Nisrine M. said...

Beautiful, Christine! Enjoy him. They grow sooo fast.

La Table De Nana said...

You both are so lovely.
This is a Christmas story..in the purest form.
Thank you.
Peace and Love to you.

From the Kitchen said...

Lovely--the words and the photos!

Best,
Bonnie

Diana@Spain in Iowa said...

What a touching post Christine. Your writing brought me back to those same days when finally, I felt like a mother. That love somehow just takes hold and everything changes. Have a beautiful day sweet friend!

diana

El said...

Such a lovely, sweet post. He's a beautiful little boy.

Kay Heritage said...

So glad to see that you are posting this lovely letter to Alex! Yes, when he grows up in teen years, remember to re-read these words and be reminded, because his needs are even greater when he becomes a teen. :) Love, Kay

Natalie said...

That is so lovely. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Motherhood is such a magical thing, your words sum it up beautifully.

Vianney Rodriguez said...

This is so sweeet. I love the transition from friends to knowing in your heart he adores you..thank you for sharing..

Penny said...

The bond between Mother and child is enduring and unassailable. Your sweet boy will cherish these words one day.

lostpastremembered said...

I had a friend whose mother wrote a letter to her every year and never told her... it was the most beautiful gift when her mother died... there were 12 of them. He will cherish this when he grows up... what a special mother he has had!

Have a great holiday!

Esme said...

What a touching tribute to your son.

Loveforfood said...

a very touching story.

bunkycooks said...

What a beautifully written letter that your son should definitely read some day. It is true. Having children is a bond that lasts forever. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday!!

Lisa said...

So beautiful and touching! I love the second photo of baby's gaze upward towards you. No worries, you will never forget the feelings, they live within you. You know those old ladies at the grocery store who smile knowingly and come a little bit undone when they see you with baby, those feelings are being rekindled within them in those moments ~ they know in their bodies, the are re-membering the experience. My boys are 8 and 16 and I still love them madly, though differently for who they are becoming is emerging. Enjoy Mama ~ that first baby new baby, new motherhood time is so precious and tender. Warm regards, Lisa

Sherry Page said...

Christine, this is such a beautiful, sweet and heartfelt letter to little Alex. It is clear that he adores you! You can see it in his eyes. So touching!

tasteofbeirut said...

One word: Beautiful! Wish every mom/son relationship was a lovely as yours.

SavoringTime in the Kitchen said...

So sweet, Christine! I love how he looks at you :) With my 'babies' all grown it is hard to remember those looks and the sweet smell of baby hair. Cherish each moment.

Chiara said...

is the sweetest post I've read lately, I wish you all the best Christine, a hug from Italy...

Cristina said...

What a touching and beautifully written post. Just lovely. :)

T.W. Barritt at Culinary Types said...

What lovely thoughts and beautiful photos - I hope your first holiday together is wonderful!

Deb in Hawaii said...

Such a beautiful post and Alex is such an adorable boy too. Enjoy your holidays with him. ;-)

Fun and Fearless in Beantown said...

Such a beautiful post!

lisa is cooking said...

So sweet! He's growing so quickly. Hope you have a wonderful holiday season!

Magic of Spice said...

What a wonderful warming post! He is such an angel, and trust me...you will not forget, just making room to absorb it all in the moment but it will stay with you :)
Happy Holidays

sally said...

Beautiful post, and I love the photos!

Velva said...

Christine, I read this blog post via your facebook page. This is beautiful. A love between a mother and child is beyond words.

I know I write this often to you but, what an amazing journey you are getting ready to take-

Always,
Velva

Megan said...

He is just getting more and more handsome!

What a sweet post.

Mari @ Mari's Cakes said...

Alex is Adorable! Beautiful virtual letter to Alex. Motherhood and how much we love our kids is unmeasurable, inexplicable, simply wonderful!

Hugs

And have a Very Merry Christmas!

Jean (Lemons and Anchovies) said...

Christine, this is such a beautiful letter. I love your pictures--Alex is beautiful (and so are you) but your glow from motherhood shines brightly.

Sara said...

So well-said and beautiful. You've got me crying! :)

Asmita said...

Lovely post and such gorgeous shots!

Karen (Back Road Journal) said...

What a sweet letter to your son. It is my daughter's birthday today and she is my special love.

Barbara said...

And do you know what Christine? You will always feel that way....no matter how old. Isn't motherhood amazing?
Merry Christmas to you and your family!

OysterCulture said...

Love this letter to your son